Everything You Need to Know About Different Parenting Styles

Every child has unique quirks and traits that shape who they grow up into. Their nature and idiosyncrasies cannot truly be changed. However, nurture plays a significant part in shaping their personalities. Whether your child grows into a confident, resilient, resourceful person or not heavily depends on their upbringing.

That’s where you come in.

As a parent, your actions and behaviors will have the most impact on your child’s development. Whether you choose to micromanage every minute detail, leave your kids to fend for themselves, set strict rules and boundaries, or be more flexible, the different types of parenting styles will impact your kids differently.

So, what parenting styles are there, and how do you fit into them? Let’s find out.

While it’s difficult to put all parents into distinct brackets, it’s generally accepted that there are four types of parenting styles – authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and neglectful. As a general rule of thumb, most parents will identify with one specific parenting style, but more often than not, everyone uses all four approaches at different times.

You might be all about strict rules and boundaries (associated with the authoritarian parenting style) early in the morning when you have the energy to enforce them. However, by the evening, when you’re feeling completely drained and unfocused, you might adopt a more flexible approach (associated with the permissive parenting style).

With this in mind, let’s examine these four parenting styles a bit more closely.

If you tend to frequently use expressions such as “because I said so”, “it’s my way or the highway”, or “while you’re under my roof, you’ll follow my rules”, you might be an authoritarian parent.

Generally thought of as the “traditional” parenting style, authoritarian parenting is all about focusing on discipline, enforcing strict rules, and introducing clear punishments when these rules are broken.

The relationships between parents and children in this parenting style tend to be one-sided. The parent is an authority figure, and the child should obey whatever they say. There’s little flexibility and little emotional support for the child.

Though there’s no such thing as the best parenting style, authoritative parenting comes pretty close. The authoritative parenting style has some similarities to the authoritarian in that clear rules and expectations play an important part in upbringing.

However, whereas the authoritarian parent simply enforces the rules without any consideration for the child’s opinions, the authoritative parent includes the child in rule-making. Instead of simply saying “because I said so”, the authoritative parent explains why the rules exist, what the consequences could be if they’re not followed, and why they are needed.

As a general rule of thumb, while the authoritative parenting style is the most beneficial for the parent and the child, it’s also the most difficult to adopt.

The permissive parenting style is the polar opposite of the authoritarian style. These parents don’t act so much as authority figures as the child’s best friend. Rules are seen as unimportant – while they might exist, they’re rarely enforced. What matters is that the child is free to do what they want.

Permissive parents are incredibly warm and nurturing but don’t tend to instill a sense of discipline in their children. They spend a lot of time playing and talking with their children, and they often adopt the subset of attachment-style parenting – being physically close to their children, often breastfeeding longer than expected, co-sleeping, or always carrying babies in a sling.

The final among the four different parenting styles is neglectful parenting. As can be concluded from its name, it’s not accepted as one of the better parenting styles.

Neglectful parents can be similar to permissive ones. Rules are simply theoretical, and there’s little focus on discipline. However, while permissive parents tend to be highly nurturing and invested in their children, neglectful parents are uninvolved.

They leave their children to fend for themselves, simply ensuring their basic needs are met, providing food and shelter to their children but not much else. Such parents tend to stay out of the way, have limited interactions with their children, and have low to no expectations at all.

Those who adopt specific parenting styles tend to have specific traits and characteristics that shape how they interact with their children. However, you and any other parent may have traits that match more than just one style of parenting.

Traditional, authoritarian parents tend to share the following common traits:

• Demanding;
• Strict;
• Set high expectations;
• Low flexibility;
• One-way communication;
• Cold;
• Distant.

In confrontations, the child isn’t allowed to talk back, offer or demand explanations, or give excuses. Every rule they break is followed by clearly set punishments.

For instance, if a child stays on their phone longer than they’re allowed or visits websites and apps they shouldn’t, the parent will immediately punish them for that behavior. Most commonly, they’ll take away phone privileges or restrict WiFi access.

Usually, only the parent knows how long the punishment will last. Children can only obey and endure.

Authoritative parents set clear rules, but they have different traits that define them:

• Demanding but responsive;
• Flexible;
• Two-way communication;
• Warm and understanding;
• Set high expectations and help children reach them;
• Consider the child’s feelings;
• Warm.

In confrontations, authoritative parents give their children room to talk and discuss anything on their minds. Children are allowed to explain themselves and maybe even give reasons for why they’ve broken some rules.

In the same example as above, when a child visits websites they shouldn’t or stays on their phone longer than allowed, the parents try to set clear boundaries and explain why those specific rules are in place. If any punishment is necessary, the children are well aware of why, and they know how it will be carried out.

Instead of taking away their phone, authoritative parents will prefer installing parental control apps like FamiSafe on their children’s phones, giving them freedom and flexibility while ensuring that the rules are followed.

Permissive parents who prefer to act more as their children’s friends have the following common traits:

• Understanding;
• Easy-going;
• Flexible;
• Lenient with the rules;
• Don’t follow through with punishments;
• Open communication;
• Nurturing.

As previously mentioned, permissive parents aren’t likely to set any strict rules or enforce punishments. During arguments and confrontations, children can express themselves how they see fit.

For instance, if a child breaks a rule on phone usage, there are rarely any consequences. Permissive parents commonly threaten their children with punishments, but they rarely carry them out. After all, rules are meant to be broken, right?

Instead of carrying out punishments, permissive parents will usually try to talk with their children about the necessity of the rules, but the discussion will usually end there.

Finally, neglectful parents have the following traits in common:

• Dismissive;
• Unresponsive;
• Inattentive;
• Laid-back;
• Uninvolved;
• Don’t have rules or punishments;
• Lack of communication.

Neglectful parents rarely confront their children since they rarely communicate with them. They might have some rules, but they don’t care much if those rules are being followed.

If a child uses their phone too much, they let them do it. Children with neglectful parents often grow up without curfews, bedtimes, expectations, or any particular demands.

Unsurprisingly, different styles of parenting yield different results. Children growing up in neglectful homes will be different than those who grow up in permissive homes. They’ll have different traits, personalities, and worldviews.

Many people see the authoritarian approach as the most sensical parenting style. After all, a parent should be an authority figure, and they should expect their children to follow their rules.

However, there’s a reason why the authoritarian approach isn’t actually considered the best. Children with authoritative parents tend to have some of the following issues:

• Low self-esteem;
• Low confidence;
• Rebellious behavior;
• Low emotional regulation;
• Anxiety;
• Depression;
• Poor coping skills.

Moreover, these children tend to perceive their parents less as authority figures and more as bullies. Therefore, they’re more likely to adopt this bullying behavior and start having problems in school and their social circles.

Most parents should strive to adopt the authoritative parenting approach as it’s generally considered the best one for both the parent and the child.

Children growing up in authoritative homes tend to be more well-rounded, enjoying some of the following benefits:

• Independent;
• High self-esteem;
• Good academic performance;
• Better life satisfaction;
• Good social skills;
• Good emotional control;
• Improved mental health.

Moreover, they tend to have the best relationship with their parents – through childhood and adulthood.

Permissive parents often believe that they’re doing a great job with their children, especially when they also use the attachment parenting style.

However, while they’re often supportive and nurturing, they also show their children that they can do whatever they want. Children who grow up in permissive homes don’t have realistic ideas about how the real world works, which could damage them in the long run.

Children with permissive parents can experience the following effects:

• Inability to follow rules;
• Poor emotional control;
• Poorer academic performance;
• Low self-control;
• Poor social skills;
• Heightened aggression;
• High egocentric tendencies.

With the lack of clear rules and consequences, children with permissive parents tend to act spoiled and entitled. They have difficulties adjusting to new environments and struggle with overcoming obstacles in any shape and form, often developing co-dependent relationships with their parents and relying on them for guidance well into adulthood.

Neglectful parents aren’t always detached from their children on purpose. Many struggle with mental health problems and other issues that could prevent them from forming positive relationships with their children.

Still, regardless of why they’re neglectful, these parents often have many undesirable effects on their children:

• Low self-esteem;
• Poor emotional control;
• Impulsive;
• Prone to risky behaviors;
• More likely to suffer from depression;
• Tendency for drug and alcohol abuse;
• Poorer academic performance.

Most commonly, children with neglectful parents are starved for attention, so they try to find it from any other source however they can. They engage in risky behaviors while trying to be noticed and have emotional outbursts because they haven’t been taught to regulate their feelings. They also have difficulties forming relationships and are at a higher risk of experiencing suicidal thoughts.

If you want to raise happy, well-rounded children with all the skills and competencies they need to take on the real world, it’s clear what parenting style you should adopt – the authoritative parenting style.

Time and time again, studies have proven that children growing up in authoritative households enjoy the most benefits and have the best relationships with their parents.

However, adopting this parenting style can be difficult, as it takes a lot of time, effort, and dedication.

The good news is that you don’t have to be perfect at it. You should simply strive to be the best parent you can be. On some days, you might be more of an authoritarian parent than an authoritative one. You might have a good day and feel permissive on occasion. Sometimes, you might even be a bit neglectful and opt to have a glass of wine instead of having to parent your children.

As long as you always try to do what’s best for you and your children, you should rest easy knowing your kids are supported and well cared for.

Different parenting styles produce different children. Authoritarian and neglectful parents usually have children with low self-esteem. Permissive parents have children with unusually poor emotional control. Authoritative parents, however, typically have well-rounded children primed for success.

As a general rule of thumb, adopting the authoritative parenting style is the best thing you could do – for your children and yourself. Just remember that even authoritative parents aren’t always perfect. Give yourself a break and strive to do the best you can every single day.